Would you go back to being 9, where your biggest worries were times tables and playground drama? Or maybe your early 20s, filled with endless possibilities, late-night adventures, and no back pain?
While pop culture tends to glorify youth, a recent survey found that people’s favorite age isn’t childhood or early adulthood. It’s 36.
Many people say their 30s are when life starts to click.Representative photo by Canva
As surprising as that may sound, developmental psychologist I think it actually makes perfect sense.
The surprisingly joyful “crunch years”
For the last four years, I've been studying people in their 30s and early 40s. My colleagues and I even coined a new term for this often-overlooked life stage: established adulthood — defined as ages 30 to 45.
It’s a time packed with major milestones: building careers, starting (or ending) marriages, raising kids, buying homes, or deciding not to follow any of those paths. It’s also when people start juggling demanding work responsibilities with caregiving for children, partners, or aging parents — what my colleagues and I call “the career and care crunch.”
At first, I expected to hear mostly stories of stress. But as we gathered data from hundreds of interviews and surveys, something unexpected emerged.
Yes, people were busy and overwhelmed. But they were also happy.
Stress and satisfaction often go hand in hand in your 30s.Representative photo via Canva
“I feel very solidly happy in this space right now,” said Yuying, 44. Nina, 39, described herself as “wildly happy.”
All names were changed to preserve participant anonymity, but the themes were strikingly consistent.
“I’ve put together a machine that finally works”
Many people reported feeling like their lives were finally clicking into place. After years of working on their careers, relationships, and personal growth, they felt confident and accomplished.
Mark, 36, said, “I’ve put together a machine that’s finally got all the parts it needs.”
adulthood, happiness research, confident adult, life in your 30s, parenting and careerwww.youtube.com
Jodie, also 36, shared that she had finally figured out what really mattered. “You don’t waste a bunch of time going on half a dozen dates with someone who’s not going to work out,” she said. “Your friend circle becomes a lot closer because you weed out the people that bring drama.”
Even the physical signs of aging didn’t seem to dampen the joy. Lisa, 37, said, “If I could go back physically but had to go back emotionally and mentally? No way. I’d take flabby skin lines every day.”
It’s not ideal for everyone
It’s important to note that not everyone experiences this phase the same way.
The original research largely focused on middle-class North Americans, many of whom were white. For people navigating systemic barriers — whether financial, racial, or otherwise — the “best years” might look very different.
And while the early 2020s were defined by a global pandemic that intensified pressure on parents and caregivers, many people are now navigating a post-pandemic world with more clarity about their priorities. For some, this reset has reaffirmed the value of their 30s — a time when they gained emotional strength, resilience, and purpose.
Rather than a decade of stress, many now view their 30s as a period of growth, hard-won insight, and, surprisingly, happiness.
age and happiness, 30s life, established adulthood, emotional maturity, parenting and career, midlife joy, life satisfaction, adult friendshipswww.youtube.com
The sweet spot worth paying attention to
That so many people would choose their 30s as their ideal age suggests this life stage deserves more attention.
Books like But You’re Still So Young by Kayleen Schaefer are helping to highlight the stories of people building careers, navigating relationships, and confronting big life questions in this decade.
But You’re Still So Young by Kayleen SchaeferAmazon
Clare Mehta is an Associate Professor of Psychology, Emmanuel College. This article originally appeared six years ago on The Conversation. You can read it here.
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21 products that are gaslighting us into thinking they’re essential when they’re not
Some things in life are actually necessary—clean water, decent healthcare, basic human decency. But then there are the things that feel like they’re gaslighting us. The things we’re told we can’t live without, even though we survived just fine before they existed. Things like "smart" fridges, lawn fertilizer services, and yes—whole body deodorant.
Recently, our sister-site Upworthy asked their Facebook audience the question: What's a product or service that feels like it's gaslighting all of us into thinking it's necessary? More than 8,000 responses poured in. The answers were passionate, funny, and surprisingly unified.
Here are 21 products, services, and systems people called out for pretending to be essential—when they might actually be optional, overpriced, or flat-out invented.
1. Whole body deodorant
"Take a shower," said Shannon H.
“How did we ever manage all those years without it!! 😂😵💫” added Karen R.
Others noted it may help people with medical conditions—but for the average person, it's definitely a marketing creation.
2. Health insurance
It topped the list. Erica L. explained: “My doctor prescribes, the pharmacist issues meds, nurses care for people, surgeons do surgery—Health Insurance stands between health care and patients and says no, exclusively on whether they think it’s financially effective to treat you.”
Important note: Health insurance can provide life-saving access for many—but what people are frustrated by here is the profit-first system, not care itself.
3. The wedding industry
Multiple people slammed the high cost of modern weddings.
JoElla B. put it plainly: “We spend too much time and money planning one day, and not enough thought on how to blend two lives in a mutually beneficial one.”
Others called out expensive dresses, venues, and pressure to perform for social media.
4. Bottled water
Carole D. said: “Water in plastic bottles! Get a cup!”
While bottled water has value in emergencies, it’s often just filtered tap water—sold for profit in plastic.
5. Baby product overload
“Most baby products,” wrote Kelli O. “They really aren’t as needy and complicated as companies want us to think.”
6. Fabric softener
“It’s bad for clothes, bad for the Earth, bad for the wallet, and totally unnecessary,” said Gail H.
Some experts agree—many softeners contain chemicals that can reduce fabric lifespan and irritate skin.
7. Smart appliances
“Adding ‘phone controls’ to every appliance instead of making them last as long as they used to,” wrote Sherry S.
When your fridge needs a software update, something’s gone off the rails.
8. Makeup and anti-aging products
“Anything anti-aging,” said Melissa T., “Please just let me age into the gargoyle I was meant to become.”
Others questioned products designed to “fix” eyelashes, eyebrows, pores, and graying hair.
April S. added, “Products that women are convinced they MUST have in order to be ‘beautiful’ and therefore ‘loved.’”
9. Cosmetic surgery
Ron P. called out the industry as a whole. And while body autonomy matters, many commenters questioned whether insecurities are being commodified and sold back to us.
10. Ticketmaster and “convenience fees”
“Let’s go back to waiting in line at a record store,” wrote Nicole C.
Zaida B. added: “Convenience fee for online purchases—then charging $10 more at the actual event.”
11. Engagement rings
James P. didn’t mince words: “Engagement rings.”
The diamond industry has long been criticized for manufactured scarcity and marketing-fueled necessity.
12. Lawn chemicals and services
“Plant native grasses and you don’t have the pests or need for constant watering,” wrote Jamie B.
Environmental groups have raised similar concerns over runoff and unnecessary pesticide use.
13. AI and generative tech
“This stuff squeezes the lifeblood and individuality out of the human experience,” said Teresa L.
Saskia D. and others echoed skepticism about its necessity, even as many of us are being pushed to use it.
14. Funeral services
Amy W. shared: “My parents both have already paid to have themselves cremated and are very adamant that they do not want anything big done for them. In their words, ‘I won’t care, I’m dead.’”
Of course, some families find comfort in tradition—but the cost and pressure can feel overwhelming and predatory.
15. Rinse and repeat
Amy D. nailed it: “It’s just to sell more. Not even sure you need it at all.”
16. Credit Card Surcharges
Shawn S. took aim at the extra fees popping up at checkout: “That is the cost of doing business and shouldn’t be the burden of the purchaser.”
Many questioned why customers are increasingly being asked to pay extra simply for the convenience of using a card.
17. Constant phone upgrades
“Apple are notorious for releasing the same shit every year,” said Steph S.
Diana H. added, “Needing to upgrade our phones so frequently.”
Built-in obsolescence and marketing cycles drive most of the demand.
18. Vitamins and supplements
“If I took every supplement they say I NEED I wouldn’t need food. Nor could I afford it,” said Tausha L.
19. Fake pockets on women’s pants
Jessica W. said, “I have to buy men’s pants for work because women’s pants would just get torn up too fast!”
Form over function, and then they charge more for it.
20. Disposable everything
“The ‘convenience’ of disposable everything,” said Rick R.
It’s killing the planet—and draining wallets.
21. Tipping
“I’m sick of supplementing for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage,” wrote Susan V.
Tipping culture has evolved into something far removed from its original intent, and for many, it now feels like a burden shifted onto the customer.
The bigger picture
People aren’t saying all these things should vanish tomorrow. But when we start seeing convenience sold as necessity, and insecurity turned into billion-dollar markets, it's worth asking: who benefits from all of this?
And more importantly—who pays?
This article originally appeared earlier this year.