Some people are scared of small talk. Maybe there are some fears around sharing the wrong thing or just not having anything interesting to say. Others find the whole thing frustratingly silly and a bit boring. And still some are shy and would rather not risk an uncomfortable situation all together.
At one time or another, everyone will find themselves at a work event, birthday celebration, parent-teacher night, holiday party, or some other basic social gathering. Some casual conversation with unknown and unfamiliar people will definitely be a possibility and, in some cases, completely unavoidable.
Mental health experts suggest for those individuals that find small talk a bit much and just too uncomfortable, to try using the "FORD method." This simple acronym offers up four basic topics to easily work into any conversation.
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According to Nicole Arzt, M.S., L.M.F.T at SocialSelf, "FORD" stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
Let's break it down:
Family
Functional or dysfunctional, large or small, most everyone has some version of a family. For this reason, it's a great way for connecting with other people. Chatting about families offers a way for everyone to share a little about their personal lives and establish some common ground. Here are some simple questions suggested by Arzt:
Do you have any siblings?
How did you two meet? (if you are meeting a couple for the first time)
How old is your child?
How is your____ (sister, brother, mother, etc.) doing since ____ (event that happened?)
Occupation
Most everyone has at least had a job at one time. Insights into what people do to pay the bills can be fascinating. Also, those people without jobs can open up some compelling conversations too. Some pertinent questions include:
What do you do for a living?
How do you like working at _____?
What’s your favorite part of your job?
What made you interested in becoming a _____?
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Recreation
Who doesn't love a little free time? Learning about other people's unique interests gives a great way into some good banter. In some instances you might find familiar hobbies and likes that can spark up a deeper conversation. Questions can be as simple as:
What do you like to do for fun?
Have you watched (or read) ______(popular show/book)?
What are you up to this weekend?
Dreams
Learning about another person's passions or hopes for the future speaks volumes about who they are and the person they want to be. Someone tell you, "I have a family and a job," and you think, Yeah, that's cool. Now imagine they say, "I want to be an astronaut or win the Tour de France..." now that's unexpected. Suddenly, you want to know more and a conversation is born. Try some of these questions to get the story rolling:
Where do you hope to be working in the next few years?
Where would you like to travel?
What’s something you’d like to try in the future?
Would you ever consider trying _____ (particular hobby or activity)?
Astronaut costume in bike race.media4.giphy.com
Arzt suggests the importance of having a mutual conversation. That means not just listening to what the other person says, but also sharing about yourself as well. This is where practice can take someone to the next level as a small talk artist. Finding connection and linking ideas stimulates deeper, more compelling, and more meaningful conversations, a real heart-to-heart exchange that can be enjoyed by all. “Pay attention to someone else's answers and think about how you can draw from your own experience to connect," she wrote.
For those wondering about the how much to say verses how much to listen, the question can be answered by the following rule: 43:57. An AI program analyzed over 25,000 sales calls and measured the perfect speaking to listening ratio. According to Gong.io, when the salesperson was talking 43% of the time and listening the remaining 57%, sales were significantly better.
Although this study comes from business calls, the information is applicable for more traditional settings too. Learning how to be a better listener and creating an environment where people can feel special and understood is how small talk can actually feel good.
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21 products that are gaslighting us into thinking they’re essential when they’re not
Some things in life are actually necessary—clean water, decent healthcare, basic human decency. But then there are the things that feel like they’re gaslighting us. The things we’re told we can’t live without, even though we survived just fine before they existed. Things like "smart" fridges, lawn fertilizer services, and yes—whole body deodorant.
Recently, our sister-site Upworthy asked their Facebook audience the question: What's a product or service that feels like it's gaslighting all of us into thinking it's necessary? More than 8,000 responses poured in. The answers were passionate, funny, and surprisingly unified.
Here are 21 products, services, and systems people called out for pretending to be essential—when they might actually be optional, overpriced, or flat-out invented.
1. Whole body deodorant
"Take a shower," said Shannon H.
“How did we ever manage all those years without it!! 😂😵💫” added Karen R.
Others noted it may help people with medical conditions—but for the average person, it's definitely a marketing creation.
2. Health insurance
It topped the list. Erica L. explained: “My doctor prescribes, the pharmacist issues meds, nurses care for people, surgeons do surgery—Health Insurance stands between health care and patients and says no, exclusively on whether they think it’s financially effective to treat you.”
Important note: Health insurance can provide life-saving access for many—but what people are frustrated by here is the profit-first system, not care itself.
3. The wedding industry
Multiple people slammed the high cost of modern weddings.
JoElla B. put it plainly: “We spend too much time and money planning one day, and not enough thought on how to blend two lives in a mutually beneficial one.”
Others called out expensive dresses, venues, and pressure to perform for social media.
4. Bottled water
Carole D. said: “Water in plastic bottles! Get a cup!”
While bottled water has value in emergencies, it’s often just filtered tap water—sold for profit in plastic.
5. Baby product overload
“Most baby products,” wrote Kelli O. “They really aren’t as needy and complicated as companies want us to think.”
6. Fabric softener
“It’s bad for clothes, bad for the Earth, bad for the wallet, and totally unnecessary,” said Gail H.
Some experts agree—many softeners contain chemicals that can reduce fabric lifespan and irritate skin.
7. Smart appliances
“Adding ‘phone controls’ to every appliance instead of making them last as long as they used to,” wrote Sherry S.
When your fridge needs a software update, something’s gone off the rails.
8. Makeup and anti-aging products
“Anything anti-aging,” said Melissa T., “Please just let me age into the gargoyle I was meant to become.”
Others questioned products designed to “fix” eyelashes, eyebrows, pores, and graying hair.
April S. added, “Products that women are convinced they MUST have in order to be ‘beautiful’ and therefore ‘loved.’”
9. Cosmetic surgery
Ron P. called out the industry as a whole. And while body autonomy matters, many commenters questioned whether insecurities are being commodified and sold back to us.
10. Ticketmaster and “convenience fees”
“Let’s go back to waiting in line at a record store,” wrote Nicole C.
Zaida B. added: “Convenience fee for online purchases—then charging $10 more at the actual event.”
11. Engagement rings
James P. didn’t mince words: “Engagement rings.”
The diamond industry has long been criticized for manufactured scarcity and marketing-fueled necessity.
12. Lawn chemicals and services
“Plant native grasses and you don’t have the pests or need for constant watering,” wrote Jamie B.
Environmental groups have raised similar concerns over runoff and unnecessary pesticide use.
13. AI and generative tech
“This stuff squeezes the lifeblood and individuality out of the human experience,” said Teresa L.
Saskia D. and others echoed skepticism about its necessity, even as many of us are being pushed to use it.
14. Funeral services
Amy W. shared: “My parents both have already paid to have themselves cremated and are very adamant that they do not want anything big done for them. In their words, ‘I won’t care, I’m dead.’”
Of course, some families find comfort in tradition—but the cost and pressure can feel overwhelming and predatory.
15. Rinse and repeat
Amy D. nailed it: “It’s just to sell more. Not even sure you need it at all.”
16. Credit Card Surcharges
Shawn S. took aim at the extra fees popping up at checkout: “That is the cost of doing business and shouldn’t be the burden of the purchaser.”
Many questioned why customers are increasingly being asked to pay extra simply for the convenience of using a card.
17. Constant phone upgrades
“Apple are notorious for releasing the same shit every year,” said Steph S.
Diana H. added, “Needing to upgrade our phones so frequently.”
Built-in obsolescence and marketing cycles drive most of the demand.
18. Vitamins and supplements
“If I took every supplement they say I NEED I wouldn’t need food. Nor could I afford it,” said Tausha L.
19. Fake pockets on women’s pants
Jessica W. said, “I have to buy men’s pants for work because women’s pants would just get torn up too fast!”
Form over function, and then they charge more for it.
20. Disposable everything
“The ‘convenience’ of disposable everything,” said Rick R.
It’s killing the planet—and draining wallets.
21. Tipping
“I’m sick of supplementing for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage,” wrote Susan V.
Tipping culture has evolved into something far removed from its original intent, and for many, it now feels like a burden shifted onto the customer.
The bigger picture
People aren’t saying all these things should vanish tomorrow. But when we start seeing convenience sold as necessity, and insecurity turned into billion-dollar markets, it's worth asking: who benefits from all of this?
And more importantly—who pays?
This article originally appeared earlier this year.