There are so many ways to introduce yourself to people, but there’s one question you should never ask when you meet someone for the first time: what do you do?
According to experts, not only is "What do you do?" boring, it’s also rude. What you’re doing when you ask that is telling someone, the moment you meet them, that the only thing you could value them for is their job.
Since we live in a world where more and more people are actively seeking to separate their self-worth from their office life, it’s better to show a different kind of interest in people when you first meet them.
On Mad Men, Pete Campbell talks about what he "does." www.youtube.com
“Asking ‘what do you do?’ is telling another person's brain, stay on autopilot,” said professional development expert Vanessa Van Edwards on the podcast Diary of a CEO, the New York Post shared. “Asking someone, ‘what do you do?’ is asking, ‘what are you worth?’ And if someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,” she continued on the podcast. "While some people are defined by what they do, that’s not necessarily something you can know when you meet someone for the first time. So it’s best to stick to other kinds of questions," Van Edwards says.
Better question alternatives include, “Working on anything exciting these days?" or "Working on anything exciting recently?” These let your conversation partner share aspects of their lives they are interested in discussing, whether it's their work or not. Another question is, “What book, movie, or TV character is most like you and why?” While Van Edwards says this can feel like a “silly dinner party question,” it can actually teach you a lot about how people view themselves and the world around them. You might learn your new friend is more of a Samantha Jones than a Liz Lemon, and you’ll be all the better for it.
On The Office, Creed Bratton is just not interested in telling you want he does. www.youtube.com
As workplace wellness expert Gloria Chan Packer shared on the TED podcast How to Be a Better Human with Chris Duffy, allowing people access to that balance—that time away from the work brain—is essential. Burnout is real, and conversations around it became even louder because of the pandemic, she believes. There were so few boundaries around what was work and what was home that people became burnt out. “We're all in different seasons of life. We all have different priorities, and so therefore, all of our boundaries need to be designed and communicated in different ways,” she says. The need for boundaries became even more of a highlight, and that need lives in conversations, too.
But you aren’t the only person who’s asked the “What do you do?’ question, by any means. We’re taught from a young age that value and worth are attached to our jobs. “We subliminally get taught to define our self-worth through our work and through our job,” Packer says. It would make sense that sometimes we'd do that to others, too. But there is a way to undo that.
Executive coach Amanda Miller Littlejohn encourages people to learn how to separate their work from their self-worth in order to achieve better mental health. “Your career should be one part of your life, not your whole identity,” she wrote in Forbes. “You owe it to yourself to imagine a life where work is meaningful but not all-consuming, and you can enjoy your success without it being your only source of fulfillment.”
In other words, people are worth so much more than their jobs.
As more and more people take this advice, maybe they won’t want to answer the “What do you do?” question anymore. So, get in front of it, leave that question behind, and make meaningful connections based on ideas outside of work.
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21 products that are gaslighting us into thinking they’re essential when they’re not
Some things in life are actually necessary—clean water, decent healthcare, basic human decency. But then there are the things that feel like they’re gaslighting us. The things we’re told we can’t live without, even though we survived just fine before they existed. Things like "smart" fridges, lawn fertilizer services, and yes—whole body deodorant.
Recently, our sister-site Upworthy asked their Facebook audience the question: What's a product or service that feels like it's gaslighting all of us into thinking it's necessary? More than 8,000 responses poured in. The answers were passionate, funny, and surprisingly unified.
Here are 21 products, services, and systems people called out for pretending to be essential—when they might actually be optional, overpriced, or flat-out invented.
1. Whole body deodorant
"Take a shower," said Shannon H.
“How did we ever manage all those years without it!! 😂😵💫” added Karen R.
Others noted it may help people with medical conditions—but for the average person, it's definitely a marketing creation.
2. Health insurance
It topped the list. Erica L. explained: “My doctor prescribes, the pharmacist issues meds, nurses care for people, surgeons do surgery—Health Insurance stands between health care and patients and says no, exclusively on whether they think it’s financially effective to treat you.”
Important note: Health insurance can provide life-saving access for many—but what people are frustrated by here is the profit-first system, not care itself.
3. The wedding industry
Multiple people slammed the high cost of modern weddings.
JoElla B. put it plainly: “We spend too much time and money planning one day, and not enough thought on how to blend two lives in a mutually beneficial one.”
Others called out expensive dresses, venues, and pressure to perform for social media.
4. Bottled water
Carole D. said: “Water in plastic bottles! Get a cup!”
While bottled water has value in emergencies, it’s often just filtered tap water—sold for profit in plastic.
5. Baby product overload
“Most baby products,” wrote Kelli O. “They really aren’t as needy and complicated as companies want us to think.”
6. Fabric softener
“It’s bad for clothes, bad for the Earth, bad for the wallet, and totally unnecessary,” said Gail H.
Some experts agree—many softeners contain chemicals that can reduce fabric lifespan and irritate skin.
7. Smart appliances
“Adding ‘phone controls’ to every appliance instead of making them last as long as they used to,” wrote Sherry S.
When your fridge needs a software update, something’s gone off the rails.
8. Makeup and anti-aging products
“Anything anti-aging,” said Melissa T., “Please just let me age into the gargoyle I was meant to become.”
Others questioned products designed to “fix” eyelashes, eyebrows, pores, and graying hair.
April S. added, “Products that women are convinced they MUST have in order to be ‘beautiful’ and therefore ‘loved.’”
9. Cosmetic surgery
Ron P. called out the industry as a whole. And while body autonomy matters, many commenters questioned whether insecurities are being commodified and sold back to us.
10. Ticketmaster and “convenience fees”
“Let’s go back to waiting in line at a record store,” wrote Nicole C.
Zaida B. added: “Convenience fee for online purchases—then charging $10 more at the actual event.”
11. Engagement rings
James P. didn’t mince words: “Engagement rings.”
The diamond industry has long been criticized for manufactured scarcity and marketing-fueled necessity.
12. Lawn chemicals and services
“Plant native grasses and you don’t have the pests or need for constant watering,” wrote Jamie B.
Environmental groups have raised similar concerns over runoff and unnecessary pesticide use.
13. AI and generative tech
“This stuff squeezes the lifeblood and individuality out of the human experience,” said Teresa L.
Saskia D. and others echoed skepticism about its necessity, even as many of us are being pushed to use it.
14. Funeral services
Amy W. shared: “My parents both have already paid to have themselves cremated and are very adamant that they do not want anything big done for them. In their words, ‘I won’t care, I’m dead.’”
Of course, some families find comfort in tradition—but the cost and pressure can feel overwhelming and predatory.
15. Rinse and repeat
Amy D. nailed it: “It’s just to sell more. Not even sure you need it at all.”
16. Credit Card Surcharges
Shawn S. took aim at the extra fees popping up at checkout: “That is the cost of doing business and shouldn’t be the burden of the purchaser.”
Many questioned why customers are increasingly being asked to pay extra simply for the convenience of using a card.
17. Constant phone upgrades
“Apple are notorious for releasing the same shit every year,” said Steph S.
Diana H. added, “Needing to upgrade our phones so frequently.”
Built-in obsolescence and marketing cycles drive most of the demand.
18. Vitamins and supplements
“If I took every supplement they say I NEED I wouldn’t need food. Nor could I afford it,” said Tausha L.
19. Fake pockets on women’s pants
Jessica W. said, “I have to buy men’s pants for work because women’s pants would just get torn up too fast!”
Form over function, and then they charge more for it.
20. Disposable everything
“The ‘convenience’ of disposable everything,” said Rick R.
It’s killing the planet—and draining wallets.
21. Tipping
“I’m sick of supplementing for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage,” wrote Susan V.
Tipping culture has evolved into something far removed from its original intent, and for many, it now feels like a burden shifted onto the customer.
The bigger picture
People aren’t saying all these things should vanish tomorrow. But when we start seeing convenience sold as necessity, and insecurity turned into billion-dollar markets, it's worth asking: who benefits from all of this?
And more importantly—who pays?
This article originally appeared earlier this year.